or maybe it’s like finding out that the outfit you just had to have was from 4 seasons back. I’m starting to wonder if that is the case with relationships. actually I doubt that is the case I think that it’s just a matter of having so many more choices that you just have to find the right fit (kinda like cute booty jeans). am I talking about relationships or am I thinking about my career? you know I think a career is much like a spouse so to keep myself from potentially saying something that could land me on the unemployment line I’m going to keep on talking about relationships but really it could be a toss (not really but that’s my story and I’m sticking to it). so you wake up one day and it hits you that you’re really not happy, maybe you were at some point but you can’t really remember when that was and when you try to think of how to get back to that place the directions are no were to be found. so now what? here you are, committed with kids and while you may not know how to get to where you want to be you do know that you just aren’t happy anymore. being a rational person or maybe just someone who’s impulsive on matters that lend them selves to impulsive behavior I think hard before putting my family in jeopardy, so instead of running to the divorce attorney I ask myself “self? (yes, an Emeril moment)” when was the last time you gave this relationship your all, I mean going above and beyond and immersing yourself in all things “us” . . . . hmm, I don’t recall.
“well genius, you’re in it so you might as well be in it!” and I gotta tell you that it’s hard to argue with myself when I’m on a logical roll because I already know all of my excuses and outs and when I’m not havin it I’m simply not havin it. well, before you go messing up this half a lifetime commitment you need to give it a shot. sounds fair. and I did just that. I gave up a whole lot of “me” time in exchange for “us”, I took a lot for the team and donned my cheerleader suit to get this ball rolling back towards something that makes me feel passionately alive, I’ve never loved lightly and I can’t really see that changing. with the good comes the not so good (see, still taking an optimistic viewpoint) and I feel that I’ve been patient because along the way we’ve talked and while it really seemed like communication (hey, now this is starting to sound like a family thing) it looks more like you were listening to appease me but had no intention on doing anything other than what you were doing.
well, another thing that I do know (because I’m certain that I’ve referenced some knowledge in this post already) is that communication really is a 2-WAY street and while someone misunderstanding you is them not understanding you, it’s the responsibility of the communicator to make sure that their message is heard in the language of the audience. I’m passionate about communication, in fact I’ve made an effort to be as multi-lingual as I humanly can and when that falls short I call upon my divine intuition to let my third eye tell me what it perceives. you really can’t say that I never even tried to hear your side of things. in that aspect I’ll go on paper saying that I’m fair.
okay, so was I on the unemployment line, calling the divorce attorney or trying to find my family??? can you tell that I’m kinda going through it right about now. I’ll tell you where I am. I am on my way to happy and what I’ve come to realize is that it looks nothing like what I had been looking for all these years. (you didn’t think I was that mad did you)
my frustration has resulted in non-attachment and that non-attachment has opened up a number of potential directions by which I may find my joy. you see it didn’t come from my family, though in truth this is where I really should have had a solid base, I won’t say that my career makes me feel fulfilled as a person, and the love of my life really is the woman before me when I stand in the mirror, don’t get me wrong, I’ll die for my daughters; but the key to all these things being right is right inside of my mind and damn if I don’t think that I just stumbled across the key!
I’m not trying to leave you hanging about all that other stuff, I’m not any of those things, but at one point in time or another I’ve been all of those things, sitting there with a world in chaos and empty hands wondering what in the heck am I going to do now. well, I’m going to decide, yes; I’m going to DECIDE what to do and that in and of itself makes all the difference.
