an acquired taste

that’s how a good friend describes me, and truth be told I cannot really debate it.  I’ve always been different and before I go into the whole being mixed thing I can tell you that my racial make-up is only the beginning of my uniqueness.

some things
are
so unique
that no one
bothers to
try and figure
it out when I was younger I truly prided myself on being different (after years of feeling “something” about it).  as an adult I felt that my broad interests made me a more interesting and well rounded person, and still to this day I believe both of these statements to be true.  I like that I’m not just like everyone else!  so why is it that I’m kinda feelin like a weirdo?

when it comes to popular culture I seem to have a disconnect and when I try to connect with people I often find that I’m trying really hard and still look out of place.  lets just say that the music I like is rarely played on the radio and the ways that I choose to spend my free time are considered nerdy by most, even when I’m relaxing I’m doing something, something that most people just don’t think about doing.  and really, I’m okay with it all; trying new stuff that may or may not be my thing and doing what I enjoy when it’s no one elses ”thing”.  but lately I’ve realized that I’m sick of doing stuff by myself.

I know, I know, “you should go, you’ll meet people who are interested in the same things that you are interested in”  yeah, I’ve heard it and said it to myself.  and I’ve gone: garden shows, jazz symposiums, wordcamp (blogging convention), house dance clubs, midnight bike rides (organized), opening of the Modern Wing at the Field Museum . . . it’s all be nice, but it’s also been kinda lonely.  a few weeks ago, maybe a month, I found out that the Brand New Heavies were going to be performing at the House of Blues.  this is one of my favorite bands of all times (them, A Tribe Called Quest and Jamiroquai), I bought a ticket and I’m sure my enthusiasm was just spilling out all over the place; but no one seemed nearly as interested as me, really no one was interested at all.  when the day came I have to say that I didn’t feel like going when only a few weeks prior I said and meant that I didn’t care if anyone else went with me or not.  I felt like garbage that day and ultimately decided that I really couldn’t afford parking and drinks due to a few unexpected business expenses last week; but still, I know how else I was feeling.

you see I go to these things hoping to meet yet another young cool person (cool being quirky like myself) who has a passion for at least one of the things that I’m passionate about but ___________ nothing, not once has that happened.  I think that this time I knew ahead of time the inevitable outcome and I just didn’t want to face it again.  there was a time that I would have had a huge group of friends going with to that concert, we would have split the cost of valet and water would have been just fine all night long . . . man I miss those days.

the more time I spend alone the more introverted I become and lately I’ve been questioning how smart it was to be so unique.  honestly I had no idea how different I was until I started looking for a kindred spirit.