I’m fighting the urge to write
about how I want to make my life perfect
because then I’ll have the fulfillment that I so desperately seek.
As if accentuating all my natural attributes will somehow make me sparkle more;
as if professional recognition will validate my worthiness;
and financial independence will indicate that I am baggage free.
My mind constantly seeks to be distracted
because it doesn’t like the thoughts that are circulating;
but those aren’t the thoughts that count.
I’ve got dueling distractions;
frivolous and extra harsh.
I’m avoiding what’s written,
what’s been called out
and even acknowledged.
I know there’s a problem but I can’t see how to fix it.
it’s me
but then it isn’t
why can’t I just allow it
why can’t I just be it
like a knock to the head that flips an internal switch
I just want to be happy
I’m tired of being lonely
and no amount of distractions seems to make that feeling go away.
I’m sick of thinking it and writing it
I don’t want to share
I just want it to happen
because I’m not happy
