somehow better
than
they always
seemed to beperhaps my life is unable to experience change that is not notable or maybe I just don’t ever notice those nuances.
some things just kinda feel like bad ideas but I have to wonder if its my instinct telling me that it’s a bad idea or my insecurities resisting something different, something that could affect more than just one area of my life and spur even more change. I’m going to be vague today, in part because it’s all very personal and in part because I really just don’t know.
it’s time to find a quiet place and be patient until I can do so. I’m not really in the mood to make any mistakes and I don’t feel like resistance is much of an option either. I have a lot of hard questions to ask, I just don’t see the answers right in front of me.
but then that is just the dramatic part. a friend of mine once said that it’s not really complicated. separate truth from beautiful thoughts; truth being that which is there, in your face, real. once you do that it’s all really clear and in fact is mute point. why go on about a daydream when real life is sitting in your face. so I ask of life, my wish for the new year if you will, that it brings me that which is real, that which is tangible. I’ve been a dreamer my whole life, it’s time to wake up.
