today I became aware of the fact that when I am offended by someone (but not in a position to snap on them) I hear music in my head; hard core funk, soulful rock, hip-hop, it varies and is chosen only by my subconscious, it simply pops into my thoughts and plays every time they open their mouth or the thought comes back into my mind. this is a way that I can settle, like a can of soda that fell to the floor, you have to let it sit before you can open it or you’ll have a big mess.
you got
to
use what
you got, to
get what
you want
I’m trying to think of who it was that I heard today . . . . . it played a few times too, thankfully I was distracted by something positive so I can’t think of it now, the heavies I think. . not sure but definitely acid jazz
I got to listen to this bull sh*t and somehow keep a straight face “smile b*tch, nice an pretty… make me feel like you actually mean it, don’t act like you don’t like it (that might hurt my ego)” take away the scenario and so many situations are the same. . . adaptability, you got to keep it movin and to never let them see you flinch, so smile, and stroke that ego while your at it, as all the blood rushes to one extremity it leave the others tingly and a little more relaxed. oh the games we have to play to maneuver through this life. when you remove the rose tints of civilized culture the game is as clear as black and white and your next move is an obvious one. sometimes this is how I feel as enter that world. how can I make this one happy and satisfied while not feeling like less. I got the smile, the pleasant demure, the social graces and a head strong will that occasionally gets sick and tired of acting like I didn’t hear what I just heard.
so I listen to music, and it either expresses what I can’t or takes me away, the more they dangle those bills the louder the music gets, I’ve done this so many times before that physical me is on auto-pilot, and you’ll never have my soul
